Friday, October 16, 2009
Week 2-5 Recap
Concerned Bills Fans are now buying up billboards around Buffalo calling for the firing of Dick Jauron. That is all.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Week 1 Recap
Yes, it is Friday, but it has taken me this long to mend my broken heart. Some of you may be wondering why I even care, considering I stated I was done with the Bills and interviewing new teams. Well, a friend convinced me to stick it out at least until the Ralph Wilson kicks it and the team moves to another city.
It wasn't that hard of a sell, I've been a Bills fan my whole life. That not to say it hasn't been rough. There have been ups and downs. Actually, its kind of like a bad marriage. I love them, but its just not going to work out. I want to believe, but the constant letdowns keep breaking my heart.
About 5 years ago I was going to split up with the Bills. I had had it. QB controversies, bad management, poor coaching. But, I got an HD TV and decided to give them another try. Like trying to fix a marriage by having a child. Now, 5 years later, I'm not even sure that TV was mine to begin with.
I was ready to call it quits again. My eyes started wandering, temptation everywhere. Hell, even Cleveland looked good compared to my no good bitch of a wife Buffalo Bills. But my friend talked sense into me. "Wait till they move away, you don't want to miss anything good." So I guess I'm waiting till the kids go to college until we divorce.
I didn't expect much on Monday night vs. the Cheatriots. We have never won in that stadium. They have been kicking our ass for years. Buffalo looked horrible in pre-season and just fired the OC, only to give the job to "The Fat Guy," our old 3rd string QB AVP (alex van pelt). Truth is he couldn't possibly do worse play calling than what we have had for the past few years, but the season looked bleak.
Met a bunch of friends out at our bar and settled in for a likely 52-6 blowout. Pats get the ball first. Brady looks rusty. 3rd and short. Of course they go for it, Bills D can't stop shit. Holy crap! 4-and out! Wasn't expecting that. Bills go 3-and-out.
Typical.
NE drives down the field but buffalo D stops them and forced the FG attempt. Yes, attempt, because they missed (it was Wide Right, BTW). Booooyaaaa! Getting exited now. Bills starting to look good. Trent looks great passing and scrambling and no huddlin', and drives us down for a TD pass to Nelson. Bills Score FIRST!!!!!! We are going nuts in the bar. This O looks much better than in the pre season, the play calling is solid, and the NE D looks bad. Real Bad.
We stop NE on the next possession. Our D is looking aggressive and mean, not unlike CK at the poker tables. After a few possessions back and forth, NE manages to get on the board. 7-7. This when I expected it to go down hill.
But no! The mighty Tom Brady tosses a pick-6 right to Aaron Schobel. Shots all around the bar! NE makes it 14-10 with a field goal before the half ends. Dammit! Belicheat is sure to make some halftime adjustments and crush us.
But somehow we keep them off the board in the 3rd quarter while advancing our lead with a FG. OMG! OMG! We might actually do this. My wife is forgiven of all her past sins. She has a sexy new outfit just for me!!! No Huddle is rolling now!!! NE D can't stop our run game. Fred Jackson is owning them!!! TD!!!!! More shots, its party time!!!!!!! Men kissing men in the bar, drinks are flowing, and Bills are up 24-13 with 5 min to go. We are actually going to win in NE!!!!
I'm texting like mad, talking shit to you know who.
Then it all goes blank.
I woke up the next morning to find out my wife is fucking Tom Brady again. I'm only staying for the sake of the kids.
It wasn't that hard of a sell, I've been a Bills fan my whole life. That not to say it hasn't been rough. There have been ups and downs. Actually, its kind of like a bad marriage. I love them, but its just not going to work out. I want to believe, but the constant letdowns keep breaking my heart.
About 5 years ago I was going to split up with the Bills. I had had it. QB controversies, bad management, poor coaching. But, I got an HD TV and decided to give them another try. Like trying to fix a marriage by having a child. Now, 5 years later, I'm not even sure that TV was mine to begin with.
I was ready to call it quits again. My eyes started wandering, temptation everywhere. Hell, even Cleveland looked good compared to my no good bitch of a wife Buffalo Bills. But my friend talked sense into me. "Wait till they move away, you don't want to miss anything good." So I guess I'm waiting till the kids go to college until we divorce.
I didn't expect much on Monday night vs. the Cheatriots. We have never won in that stadium. They have been kicking our ass for years. Buffalo looked horrible in pre-season and just fired the OC, only to give the job to "The Fat Guy," our old 3rd string QB AVP (alex van pelt). Truth is he couldn't possibly do worse play calling than what we have had for the past few years, but the season looked bleak.
Met a bunch of friends out at our bar and settled in for a likely 52-6 blowout. Pats get the ball first. Brady looks rusty. 3rd and short. Of course they go for it, Bills D can't stop shit. Holy crap! 4-and out! Wasn't expecting that. Bills go 3-and-out.
Typical.
NE drives down the field but buffalo D stops them and forced the FG attempt. Yes, attempt, because they missed (it was Wide Right, BTW). Booooyaaaa! Getting exited now. Bills starting to look good. Trent looks great passing and scrambling and no huddlin', and drives us down for a TD pass to Nelson. Bills Score FIRST!!!!!! We are going nuts in the bar. This O looks much better than in the pre season, the play calling is solid, and the NE D looks bad. Real Bad.
We stop NE on the next possession. Our D is looking aggressive and mean, not unlike CK at the poker tables. After a few possessions back and forth, NE manages to get on the board. 7-7. This when I expected it to go down hill.
But no! The mighty Tom Brady tosses a pick-6 right to Aaron Schobel. Shots all around the bar! NE makes it 14-10 with a field goal before the half ends. Dammit! Belicheat is sure to make some halftime adjustments and crush us.
But somehow we keep them off the board in the 3rd quarter while advancing our lead with a FG. OMG! OMG! We might actually do this. My wife is forgiven of all her past sins. She has a sexy new outfit just for me!!! No Huddle is rolling now!!! NE D can't stop our run game. Fred Jackson is owning them!!! TD!!!!! More shots, its party time!!!!!!! Men kissing men in the bar, drinks are flowing, and Bills are up 24-13 with 5 min to go. We are actually going to win in NE!!!!
I'm texting like mad, talking shit to you know who.
Then it all goes blank.
I woke up the next morning to find out my wife is fucking Tom Brady again. I'm only staying for the sake of the kids.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Friday, July 31, 2009
18 comments is greater than 14 comments
It's pretty sad when NE Patriots fans can't even add. They probably have special employees that walk around with calculators to find out how many more yards they need to get a first down.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Bill Belicheat is a Peeping Tom Brady
I caught Bill looking in my bedroom window last night. He's trying to steal my plays.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Lists (Possibly NSFW)
NFL Teams I Like
Buffalo.
NFL Teams I Hate
NE.
Cities I Like
Buffalo.
Cities I Hate
Philadelphia.
People I Like.
Jessica Biel and Jessica Alba.
People I Hate.
Bill Belicheat and Dawn Summers. Actually, I like that Dawn Summers, it's this one I Hate.
People that Will be totally fine on Sept 14th, 2009.
Just about everyone.
People that are getting their legs broken on Sept 14th, 2009.
This Guy
Buffalo.
NFL Teams I Hate
NE.
Cities I Like
Buffalo.
Cities I Hate
Philadelphia.
People I Like.
Jessica Biel and Jessica Alba.
People I Hate.
Bill Belicheat and Dawn Summers. Actually, I like that Dawn Summers, it's this one I Hate.
People that Will be totally fine on Sept 14th, 2009.
Just about everyone.
People that are getting their legs broken on Sept 14th, 2009.
This Guy
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Native Son?
It occurs to me that no one is talking about the biggest scandal the NFL has ever seen. No, I'm not talking about Mike Vick's reinstatement. Or TO's sure to be dominant season with the playoff bound Buffalo Bills. You might think I refer to Bill Belicheat's Spygate disaster of a few years back (how many superbowls have been won by NE since then? Oh, yeah - zero).
But, no - spygate was just a cover up to hide the real story. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying spygate didn't happen. I'm just saying that all the cheating and stolen games and stolen Superbowls served Bill well to bury the real story.
I have come into certain documents that indisputably prove that Bill Belicheat is not a natural born citizen of the United States. Which essentially makes him a terrorist; he can also never be president. Forged records show that he was born in Nashville, Tennessee, but I have uncovered the truth.
His father, Steve Biličić, an ethnic Croatian, gave birth to him in a southern slavic village. Bill has no mother. There are many eye witness accounts of this. Fleeing ethnic and man-birthing persecution, Steve wrapped his son in a torn sweatshirt* and smuggled him to Annapolis in a stolen Russian sub. In exchange for turning over the sub to the Naval Academy, certain high powered officials forged Belicheat's birth certificate.
Further Proof -
1. Upon graduating college, Bill took a job as assistant to Baltimore Colts head coach Ted Marchibroda for $25 a week. Only a foreigner thinks that is a lot of money.
2. From 1976-1979 he had 5 different jobs, with 4 different teams. Looks like someone kept on the move before the truth could be found out.
I'm here to blast this story wide open. Football (REAL football, not pansy Croatian Soccer) is meant to be played and coached by REAL americans. Not foreign imposers with ties to Russian Commies and man-birthers.
*He still wears this sweatshirt as a reminder of his terrorist background.
But, no - spygate was just a cover up to hide the real story. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying spygate didn't happen. I'm just saying that all the cheating and stolen games and stolen Superbowls served Bill well to bury the real story.
I have come into certain documents that indisputably prove that Bill Belicheat is not a natural born citizen of the United States. Which essentially makes him a terrorist; he can also never be president. Forged records show that he was born in Nashville, Tennessee, but I have uncovered the truth.
His father, Steve Biličić, an ethnic Croatian, gave birth to him in a southern slavic village. Bill has no mother. There are many eye witness accounts of this. Fleeing ethnic and man-birthing persecution, Steve wrapped his son in a torn sweatshirt* and smuggled him to Annapolis in a stolen Russian sub. In exchange for turning over the sub to the Naval Academy, certain high powered officials forged Belicheat's birth certificate.
Further Proof -
1. Upon graduating college, Bill took a job as assistant to Baltimore Colts head coach Ted Marchibroda for $25 a week. Only a foreigner thinks that is a lot of money.
2. From 1976-1979 he had 5 different jobs, with 4 different teams. Looks like someone kept on the move before the truth could be found out.
I'm here to blast this story wide open. Football (REAL football, not pansy Croatian Soccer) is meant to be played and coached by REAL americans. Not foreign imposers with ties to Russian Commies and man-birthers.
*He still wears this sweatshirt as a reminder of his terrorist background.
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