Native Son?

It occurs to me that no one is talking about the biggest scandal the NFL has ever seen. No, I'm not talking about Mike Vick's reinstatement. Or TO's sure to be dominant season with the playoff bound Buffalo Bills. You might think I refer to Bill Belicheat's Spygate disaster of a few years back (how many superbowls have been won by NE since then? Oh, yeah - zero).

But, no - spygate was just a cover up to hide the real story. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying spygate didn't happen. I'm just saying that all the cheating and stolen games and stolen Superbowls served Bill well to bury the real story.

I have come into certain documents that indisputably prove that Bill Belicheat is not a natural born citizen of the United States. Which essentially makes him a terrorist; he can also never be president. Forged records show that he was born in Nashville, Tennessee, but I have uncovered the truth.

His father, Steve Biličić, an ethnic Croatian, gave birth to him in a southern slavic village. Bill has no mother. There are many eye witness accounts of this. Fleeing ethnic and man-birthing persecution, Steve wrapped his son in a torn sweatshirt* and smuggled him to Annapolis in a stolen Russian sub. In exchange for turning over the sub to the Naval Academy, certain high powered officials forged Belicheat's birth certificate.

Further Proof -

1. Upon graduating college, Bill took a job as assistant to Baltimore Colts head coach Ted Marchibroda for $25 a week. Only a foreigner thinks that is a lot of money.

2. From 1976-1979 he had 5 different jobs, with 4 different teams. Looks like someone kept on the move before the truth could be found out.

I'm here to blast this story wide open. Football (REAL football, not pansy Croatian Soccer) is meant to be played and coached by REAL americans. Not foreign imposers with ties to Russian Commies and man-birthers.

*He still wears this sweatshirt as a reminder of his terrorist background.